How Do You Console a friend.when They Ask “Why Is God Doing This?” Question for Non-Believers?
Tuesday, November 2nd, 2010 at
3:35 pm
MPD of yack asked:
I have a friend who’s dad has Parkinsons and Mom has the begining stages of Alzhiemers. Yesterday I saw them and my friend was crying. He asked “Why is God doing this” and “When will God take my dad to heaven and let him be perfect again”
I have a friend who’s dad has Parkinsons and Mom has the begining stages of Alzhiemers. Yesterday I saw them and my friend was crying. He asked “Why is God doing this” and “When will God take my dad to heaven and let him be perfect again”
I didn’t leave him hanging and stayed and talked to him but I am wondering how some of you might have (or already have) handled this.
I think a lot of this person and we are friends, yet he is not aware that I am agnostic.
So how would you handle a situation like this?
Tagged with: Ask Question • Begining Stages • Parkinsons
Filed under: Parkinsons
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In response to the question “why is God doing this?” my answer is that God is a God of Love and Life. He does not progam one’s genetic makeup to contract Parkinsons or diabetes or MS, etc. However, these things do occur and have been since the beginning of the human race. But to say that God, who created humans out of love, would deliberately cause someone to contract PD, or cancer, etc. goes against everything God is. “For [God] loves all things that are and loathe nothing that [He has] made, for what [He] hated [He] would not have fashioned.” {Wisdom 11:22 et. seq.) Therefore, all one can say in a situation like this is that these things are part of the mystery of life and not the actions of a loving God.
Wow, I don’t know. I guess I would be a lousy grief counselor. I guess I would say, “I don’t know, but you should know that your family loves you.”??
Wow, yeah, I would have nothing to say to that.
I would simply have not directly answered the question, but instead just offered comfort to my friend. This is happened to me, and that’s how I’ve dealt with it.
I would be honest about my beliefs. If someone asked me directly, yes I would have to be truthful, as I am an honest person. Simply stating my beliefs is not, however, engaging in a debate.
I would just offer what comfort you can, when someone is grieving it is not the time to explain reality.
Watched back to the future.
Since I’m not theistic (no gods in my life) I would have to simply say, “I don’t know. But I want you to know that I’m here for you if you ever need anything.”
In times of grief debating philosophy is generally hurtful. I have just stood by the person and been a shoulder to cry on. If they ask me a direct question such as, “Why is God doing this?” I’ll either shrug or say, “I’m not the person to ask.”
I’ve found that if you just remain compassionate and supportive, that’s the most important thing. They mostly just want someone to listen to them. If they want to know why God is doing something to them, rather than get into an argument at an emotionally volatile time, you can just dodge the whole thing by saying “I don’t know.”
“I don’t know anything about god”
then change the subject. Comforting people is hard, because it really isn’t going to be “okay.” Nothing you can say will make the person feel better, yet you can’t help but try.
I would have told him that God does not send us disease, rather he sends the strength to handle it. I too am agnostic, but as a nurse, I always talk to patients and family members from their point of view, whether it be Christian, Jewish, Hindu, etc. If the person is questioning his beliefs, I try to remain as neutral as possible and just be a sounding board for his questioning.
“God still has hope for him. I know these things are hard but Its all in his plan. God also wants you to take a lesson from this, to be strong, and cherish every single moment we have now, because sometimes proof is all you need to know that great times won’t last forever.” **** like that works. im gnostic too.
I’m not a Christian, but in this instance I would simply tell my friend, “It’s not up to us to know God’s will.” Then I would listen, and allow my friend to pour out his heart. Sometimes having someone to hear your problems is the best medicine of all.
This is not the time to make your friend aware of your own beliefs, so on that I would remain silent.
It is sad how many people blame a non-existant ‘god’ for their problems.
Most of it comes from being brainwashed by parents, churches, etc. from before they were able to comprehend what they were being told.
The faithful will tell you that it is satan tricking people into blaming god (they’ve got an answer for everything!).
It’s all part of gods plan, etc. etc…
Nonsensical garbage.
Unfortunately, there isn’t much you can do for your friend – if they continue to insist on the existance of a god that makes things like that happen, or allows them to happen, then it is going to be up to them to realize the truth – god (at least as defined by religions) doesn’t exist.
Firstly, do not impose your faith (or lack of, as the case may be) on the other person.
Secondly, listen, keep your talking to a minimum.
Thirdly, don’t blame anyone, or anything. As a Christian, I can tell you God didn’t create a universe of perfectly orchestrated disasters for some and paradise for others. He gave us free will and random chance as a way of testing and (hopefully) burnishing our faith in Him. Having faith would be meaningless if God orchestrated every turn of our lives. Yes sometimes God answers our prayers with exactly what we ask for, but sometimes he answers in different ways that appear to not be answers. We just have to be steadfast and patient, and ever faithful that in the end, God will provide our everlasting perfection and salvation.
It does not seem like the time to engage in theological debate.
Tell him that while suffering is a truly an awful hardship, it is one which reminds us how precious the good times are.
If he asks why god is doing this, tell him you don’t know; there is no way for anyone to know at a time like this.
Just say you don’t know why there God chooses to do the things they do?
And hopefully your parent’s will find peace, soon.
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We are all so quick to blame God for everything that goes wrong in our lives, even if one believes or not. I recently found out I was diagnosied with diabetes (type 2). I’m not blaming God or anyone else for something that is/was hereditary. I’m not downplaying cancer or alzheimers, parkinsons ect.. but God (even if one believes or not) knows our lives from before we were even thought of. If I had known diabetes was hereditary w/in our family it still wouldn’t have stopped me from eating the things I shouldn’t have. Perhaps, If I’d known cancer, parkinsons or alzheimers would be a part of my future I wouldn’t go around blaming others or cursing God, even if I didn’t believe, for my issues. I love God, therfore no matter what comes against me I have a faith and a love that nothing/no one can take away from me and I will have the comfort knowing when it’s my time there will be a loving God at the receiving end to accept me with open and loving arms to accept me unconditionally.
That is the hardest question to answer and the question that keeps so many people blindly believing…The fear of death is comforted by the belief in an afterlife, such is the fear of the dark and the boogey man a belief of many children the opposite. The difference is that children eventually learn where as an adult has to make him/herself once again believe in Santa Claus and the Tooth Faery. The greatest comfort you can give someone while they are dying is to visit them…When you tell them over and over they will be in heavan soon they have so many doubts in their heart and fear that the one or two awful things they did in their life will send them to hell…I would suggest just being there and talking about the old times and how you will help them to be remembered…Churches are filled with so many old people that are in fear of this place called Hell and asking constantly for forgiveness. I wish you could just say to them, “I forgive you, now live your last days in the way you would as a child, having fun and doing everything you always wanted to do without worry or guilt.”
As far as telling someone about being agnostic and teaching them the rational thoughts of God…I would wait until they are not asking why God has done this, the answer is simple…God does not exist…unless they are really getting angry at God and you fear they may hurt themselves or others because of God’s punishment, I would just comfort them and constantly remind them to have a good time in the last days with their loved one. I personally live everyday as if it were the last, because I know that the only one protecting me from accidents is myself. God can be dangerous in that reguard (imagine a pilot that did not inspect his aircraft before flying because God will protect him…I think I would take the next flight)
I’m agnostic and I tell people that God is not up in the ozone layer throwing thunderbolts down on us. I tell them disease happens and in the larger scheme of things, maybe people are ready to move to the next level, after death, whatever that may be. So they become ill and they get worse and we have to accept that their health problem is happening and not blame ANYBODY, least of all God.
I believe my dad had a massive stroke and lost his ability to talk and was a paraplegic for years after to give me the opportunity to tell him I loved him every day. It gave me the chance to help him if I could, to remember that one minute of my time meant hours of comfort for him. I will always remember that the day before my father died at home in peace, I was over visiting and had the chance to say, “Hey Dad? I love ya!”
Also, my mother was in a coma before she passed away. I cried and cried because I was going to miss her terribly. But she kept hanging on, despite the fact that we had taken her off life support. One day I asked a nurse, “How can she keep on going? She’s barely hanging on by a thread!”
The nurse said, “Sometimes people hold tight to life because they think we can’t manage without them. They don’t want to leave us if we can’t handle it.”
So, I went to my mom, who was hovering near death, lost in the depths of a stupifying coma, and I whispered in her ear, “Hi, Mommy! If you’re hanging around because you think we can’t manage without you, you don’t have to worry. I’ll just have to borrow a couple of bucks off somebody else at the end of the month! If you want to go, it’s okay. I’ll catch you later. Alright?”
Right after that, she had a final gasp of air … and died.
Maybe your friend’s dad just wants to make sure all the “I love you’s” are said. Then, it’s HE who will choose to go. And if he believes in God, God will be waiting for him.
Luv,
XO
.
I was in his situation a few years ago. Wondering why god would do such horrible things. I was christian at the time, and all of the answers I got from christians didn’t help at all. Then I got the answer that made the most sense from an atheist. He said something on the lines of:
Don’t blame god, don’t blame yourself, don’t blame anyone. It is just nature taking its course. It will happen to all of us at some point in time. We will all go differently, but the outcome is inevitable. Just be there for them and love them.
This revelation helped me at that time and helped me question my faith. I took the next couple of years and studied my faith only to realize that I didn’t have any anymore. I had realized the truth; that there is no god. If there was, he never would allow the suffering that happens to good people. I hope the best for your friend and his family.