My Wife and Me, Where Do We Go From Here After 50yrs of Being Married?
Wednesday, August 11th, 2010 at
11:36 am
Blue’s lover. asked:
We met when she was 15 and I was 16. We courted for 4 yrs and were Wed in December 1958. So in all we have known each other 55yrs. We have two daughters and 5 grand children. In all, it’s a very close knit family.
My wife was the most loving, unselfish woman you could wish to meet.
5yrs ago she contracted Parkinsons Disease, this of course has deteriated and the strain of caring for her has taken it’s toll on me. We do get help from the State. It was suggested she went into a home for restpite for a week so I could recharge my batteries as it were. Six weeks later she told me she had *** with a man in the opposite room who also has P.D. I was stuned and bewildered, as she has shown no interest in *** for the past 10yrs.
Some may think I’m a fool, but I can only find it in my heart to forgive, not forget, because throughout our life together she has been a great mother and a very loving wife. Am I a fool to go on caring for her? I still love her dearly.
Some of you have missed the point. I’m not a well educated man in his 70s. So maybe that’s why. I didn’t wish to seem I was hard done by. When I first heard what she had to say on the matter I believed her implicitly, cos she never lies and she is not as incapacatated as some of you suggest. When she is not under attack of P.D. You would not know there was a thing wrong with her.
I think, by some of your answers don’t reaaly know what P.D is about, but I thank you anyway
We met when she was 15 and I was 16. We courted for 4 yrs and were Wed in December 1958. So in all we have known each other 55yrs. We have two daughters and 5 grand children. In all, it’s a very close knit family.
My wife was the most loving, unselfish woman you could wish to meet.
5yrs ago she contracted Parkinsons Disease, this of course has deteriated and the strain of caring for her has taken it’s toll on me. We do get help from the State. It was suggested she went into a home for restpite for a week so I could recharge my batteries as it were. Six weeks later she told me she had *** with a man in the opposite room who also has P.D. I was stuned and bewildered, as she has shown no interest in *** for the past 10yrs.
Some may think I’m a fool, but I can only find it in my heart to forgive, not forget, because throughout our life together she has been a great mother and a very loving wife. Am I a fool to go on caring for her? I still love her dearly.
Some of you have missed the point. I’m not a well educated man in his 70s. So maybe that’s why. I didn’t wish to seem I was hard done by. When I first heard what she had to say on the matter I believed her implicitly, cos she never lies and she is not as incapacatated as some of you suggest. When she is not under attack of P.D. You would not know there was a thing wrong with her.
I think, by some of your answers don’t reaaly know what P.D is about, but I thank you anyway
Tagged with: Great Mother • Six Weeks • Two Daughters
Filed under: Parkinsons
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I would forgive and forget. You’ve been together for 55 years! Why waste a loving marriage on one stupid thing your diseased wife did.
First of all – You need to know this……My sister was a nurse at a nursing home and men will sneak in the womens rooms at night and **** women……My sister ended up leaving because she got tired of the people being in control Knowing about it and turning a blind eye.
She is considered the Newby and this will not be the last time this kind of crap goes on.
I don’t think you’re a fool, she made a mistake and after 50 years together you have more than enough history to just walk away. It sounds like she had a lap in pitty party ville and found someone who took advantage of her who was going through the same ordeal, it happens more often than most think. I think its very nobel and loving of you to continue to love and take care of her by honering her in that way because she can’t do it herself. My mother does private sitting for the elderly and those with MS and it can be a huge strain on the spouse but just remember like you said she was the best and probably won’t have too many years left on this earth. loving and contiuing to take care of her is the best gift you can give her until the end.
Stop being silly! You have a wife who adored you for half a century..bore you children, took care of you in sickness and health, gave you herself for all those years! And now, in her state, she thinks she had *** with someone..I seriously doubt it. I seriously doubt that she could have *** … and if she did, she is an ill woman who has no idea of what she is doing….where in the hell are you coming from???? You know as well as I that this is a bunch of bull . Even if it were true, why in the world would you hold it against her..she is becoming more and more a child daily, cannot think clearly, and forgets propriety. Big Deal. YOU are the one who is healthy, supposedly wise, and yet you are not acting like it right now. Come off your high horse, you have not been mortally wounded to date, and you have a wife to care for …with great love and tenderness. So act accordingly. There will soon come a day when she will be in that place full time, her life is ebbing from her daily, the disease is not linear, but takes off in a hurry at one point or another. Enjoy what you can in the short time she has left…know that she is well aware of what is happening…Can you imagine what that would be like??? I watched my mother slip away from me in the same way. Grow up and see things as the really are. She is entering the realm of imagination now, and it will get worse, not better. You have my sincere sympathy, sir…life can be rough, but she has it rougher. Love to you
Sir, stay with her. She is a blessing to you and your family.Follow that heart of yours
You are a strong man, and a gentleman at that. You two have such a history together that I would forgive. However, you might want to find out why she did what she did and try to let the healing process begin. You have to imagine that she really loves you still, or she would never have respected you enough to take the plunge and tell you about her indescretion. The best of luck to you both.
No, as a matter of fact I reward you for being there for your wife. I know you are confused and hurting right now, but I applaud your ability to forgive her. 50 years is a lot to throw away. This Disease that she has, I know it hasn’t been easy for you to deal with but, you don’t have it. Your wife knows what it feels like to be in pain and not be able to do the things she used to do. And even though you been there right by her side and experiencing these things with her you may not understand fully what she is going through. This man in this facility that she had *** with has the same ailment that she has and is more able to know the feelings she is going through. Don’t get me wrong I believe in the sanctity of marriage and the vows for better or worse. But, I want you to have a little more insight into what might have happened so you can be better understanding of the situation. Maybe they saw a need in each other only they was able to fulfill in each other. Does this mean she don’t love you? No, it just means that she had a void. Does it mean this will happen again? No. And I’m proud of you for forgiving her and may God bless you. And for the record I do not think you are a fool. Just madly in love with your wife.
You are not a fool to forgive that……..who knows why she did it…….or if she even really did it at all.
She is very sick and that is affecting everything. I think when you said that through your lfe together she has been a very loving wife….you realised that is the REAL woman that you love……this is just an aberation…..for what ever reason (who knows why)
My mother was sick with MS and her partner, who I beleved loved her, ran off and married the woman co-ordinating her care. It broke my mother….and she deteriorated so fast after that.
You have reasons to leave….but if you were to leave could you live with making her sicker – and how your children wqould feel.
Please just forgve her and continue to love her
Of course, please continue to love her dearly. You are a good man and she is blessed to have you in her life. While it appears that she made a mistake I do ask myself “why would she give it up to a stranger and not to you in the last 10?”
One of the characteristics of Parkinson’s is mental deterioration. It is very, VERY unlikely that she had any sort of inappropriate relationship with anyone in that home – the clients/patients are VERY closely monitored. How do I know? I spent many a year as nursing supervisor in facilities exactly like that.
It’s also unlikely that she’d have had *** with another Parkinson’s patient had that sort of thing been allowed – another common result of Parkinson’s is male impotence. Given that, and the nature of your follow-up remarks, I have to wonder whether you’ve made this all up for sh*ts and grins…